DIVORCE : CAUSES, EFFECT ON CHILDREN AND WAYOUT

 

DIVORCE : CAUSES, EFFECT ON CHILDREN AND WAYOUT 

Writer By Christianah Alao

The case of divorce/separation among couples in this contemporary modern day is quite disheartening. When divorce sets in, who is affected most . The parents or the innocent children?. 

There are alot of happenings in many homes which causes disagreement and when such is not settle with God's guidance, it aggravated to separation between the couples.

We won't be surprised that this little issues that occurred in various homes are the things that can be clear off when there is mutual understanding among couples but it is saddening that some of this issues are not paid attention to at the onset until it leads to bigger issue that will be difficult to resolve at a later time

This is why in marriage, forgiveness is very paramount. Don't marry someone you won't be able to forgive when little disagreement brew up! This is one of the things you should look out for in your spouse before saying " I DO".

Colossians 3:13

I was communicating with someone of recent concerning his marriage and I learnt about the root of their marital crisis. One of the things I noted from our conversation that caused the marital crisis is MONEY! this is where endurance comes in, in marriage. 

I always say that, marriage is not all about a bed of roses where you will always get what you want every time. There will surely be ups and downs but this ups and downs can be favourable to both partners if they understood each other and come together in agreement.

I observed that some partners are not an enduring type. Before going into that marriage, get to know if your spouse can endure the test of time. Your spouse should be someone you should enjoy together and if things turned the other way round, they should be able to endure for that short period.

In marriage, Couples should learn to tolerate each other in all situations, or have they forgotten the vow? For better for worse, for richer and for poorer?.

Now, when divorce occurred, who is affected most? Is it the parents or the children in the union? Of course the children shared a huge percentage of the aftermath of divorce between their parents.

One of the effects of divorce on the children is "self esteem".  When there is separation between parents, there is tendency for a child to develop low self esteem among peers to the extent that he/she feels less worth of themselves. They won't be able to interact freely with peers because their mindset will be that, neither of the parents cared for them which warranted the separation. 

When others are discussing about the care and love showered on them by their parents, they always feel rejected and in shell because no one is available to show them the same. If care is not taken, it might affect their life journey and it will only take the grace of God to revive them. When both parents joins hands together in the upbring of a child, it brings about positivity and fulfillment in his life.

Children from a divorced home are also faced with the fear of the unknown and it leads to repitition of history. In a situation when both parents are separated, it is atimes difficult for the children from such union to go into marriage because of what they experienced from their parents union. 

In a case of children that also witnessed domestic violence from parents before their separation, they can also exhibit the same when eventually married because it is what they were exposed to earlier on and by that, history as repeated itself. It can only take the grace of God to restore their mindset. 

 

There are numerous effects of divorce on children.

I would like us to check few factors to be considered for couples to live peacefully and curb the issue of divorce that serves as cankerworm and has eaten deep into the existence of a blissful union.

When there is disagreement between couples, it should be settled amicably immediately without extending the issues till later in order to avoid bringing up of past issues. Try and find out the root of it and solve it.

 When your partner offended you, do not rebuke them in annoyance. Always bridle your tongue and correct them in love ( I prayed you marry someone that is open to correction). Because when you say things based on your anger at that moment, you might say something that might be regretted later and used against you when situation comes in which may lead to separation. Please always stay calm for peace to reign.  Proverbs 15:1

Also, never rebuke your spouse in the presence of your children as this may belittle them and create wrong impression on the children.

Cut your coat according to your cloth. Every couple must always apply wisdom in terms of their finances. Do not swallow more than you can chew! Spend wisely on assets rather than liabilities, avoid what you can't afford at a point in time. Buy what you need and not what you want. 

Have a mutual agreement on what to get and what to overlook when it requires spending. When you start stretching for what is beyond you, it creates issue in marriage. A lot of couples has landed themselves in debt because they spend beyond their limits at a point in time and as a result, they put blame on each other which leads to crisis at home. Spend wisely!

 Submissiveness is one of an important factor for women out there for peace to reign in a home. Dear virtuous women, the way you carry your husband at home will reflect on him outside or how he would be addressed. The children that you are thinking that they are still young have sharp memory and notice every of your actions and dealings as their parents. 

Ephesians 5:22

You are a role model to your children. A wife that is submissive to her husband will build up a daughter that will also be submissive to her spouse later in the future. Why? Because she observed everything that you have been doing and sees you as her role model.

Likewise, a son also emulates certain behaviours from the father. When his father treats his mother with care, he would later do the same to his wife later in the future thereby bringing about chain of happiness in marriage.

Every couple should be guided and learn to co-habit peacefully not just for your sake alone but because of the children.

Before considering divorce , think about the children and never get them involved for their future sake!

Every issue in your marriage is settled in Jesus name. 

©️ Christianah Alao