Are You Entitled To Those Things People Give To You For Free?
"ARE YOU REALLY ENTITLED TO THOSE THINGS PEOPLE GIVE TO YOU FOR FREE?"
Written By Joseph Adeleke,
Your Personal Development Coach
There is this feeling of entitlement we all have. We feel some people in our lives should do this or that for us because it is important for them to do it for us. We feel we deserve better from them and if we don't get those things, we feel so bad about it and feel those people are terrible. I had that feeling of entitlement towards my father for a long time that I felt it was his duty to take care of my every need. I needed him to attend to every need I presented at his table. It was many years later I listened to a message by Apostle Joshua Selman Nimmak that changed my thinking.
According to Apostle Joshua Selman, if you get things from your parents when you are 18 and above, you are lucky. At that age you should start thinking of what you can do for yourself and reduce the expectations you have from them.
So many years ago I was in a relationship with an intelligent lady. She loved me so much and I knew it. I did love her too, so the feeling was mutual. The lady will call me with every number she found airtime on. She would call with her parents numbers, her siblings, her own and friends sometimes. That year, Airtel gives free airtime of about 180 naira for every 40 naira airtime one uses everyday. Luckily for us, her family are Airtel users and it was impossible for them to have a day without making a call of about 40 naira, so we had opportunity of talking for long every evening. One day, I had a discussion with a friend about the cute conversations I usually have with the lady and how she uses her family numbers to call me, unfortunately, the response I got from my friend was disheartening.
He said, "Joseph, you no get sense. This babe go use original airtime call people, she go con use bonus dey call you, you go con dey happy unnecessarily. You no know say na because she feel say you no deserve her airtime na why she dey use bonus dey follow you talk?"
When I think about that conversation now, I acted like a child because my reaction to it wasn't what I would have done now if I had the same conversation with any other person.
So, the next time the lady called, I confronted her and asked if it was because I wasn't important to her that was why she preferred to use a bonus airtime to call me than her original airtime. Her reply left me dumbfounded. She said, "Joseph, I love you so much and if I don't, I wouldn't spend 40 naira to call others so I can spend 180 naira on you. I wouldn't use my parents bonuses to call you. You should be grateful I chose to call you with 180 naira and not 40 naira, I have tons of people I can call but I chose you."
Well for a very long time I didn't recover. I was so sad that I could be so stupid to have not thought about it that way. Who was I to feel entitled to her airtime or how she spends it? Was I making as much effort as she was in calling at that time? The truth is "No" I was only limited to my own Airtel number and could only call for long when I have used 40 naira in a day but do I use 40 naira in a day everyday at that time? "No" so why then was I feeling entitled to her airtime and her family members airtime?. Hmm it was something I regretted for a very long time.
Recently, when my brother and I returned from service, someone told me about a discussion some people had about my brother and I. According to the person he said "Joseph, so and so said you and your brother are stingy. You guys came back from the East and couldn't share anything for everyone in the compound"
It is true it is like a tradition in this part of this world for someone to travel few kilometers and feel obligated to buy something for the people he is expecting to see at his place of destination but I feel disgusted about it when the person told me. When we were in the east, none of these so and so persons called to check up on my brother and I. How we faired while we were away for service was none of their concern but the goodies they felt we brought home was what they were entitled to.
" What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions. are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. " James 4:1-3
The feeling of entitlement causes war within us and we fight with those that we feel should know that they are entitled to be a blessing to us. The truth is, if you receive anything from anybody, you should be grateful for it. And if you don't, you shouldn't hold it against the person. Anyone that is good to you is not obligated to, the person made a choice to be good to you, don't feel entitled to anybody's kindness.
"I am interested in seeing you become a better person while I work on me too."
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