Should I Speak Up Or Not?

 

 Buckley  Carthage

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Through much of my life, I struggled with anger issues.

 

I am not entirely certain where they started or why they started. 

I have some ideas but that is beside the point.

I have, for many years, prided myself on speaking up when I am annoyed about something.

This has often worked and helped to stop that annoyance from turning into anger, thus helping to avoid conflict.

But there is a question there which needs to be addressed – do I speak up or, do I stay quiet?

As I have gotten older ( I am 41) I have realised that in many situations, it is best to just acknowledge my feelings, take a little time to feel those feelings then; let it go and move on.

In doing so, I have conditioned myself to get annoyed or angry with fewer issues.

Most of the issues I used to get annoyed about are not worth my energy.

They are just temporary annoyances which, if let go will quickly dissipate. 

However, when my brother died last December, there was one person who treated me badly.

I didn’t learn about what they did until January but it really infuriated me.

Being treated badly is one thing but to experience bad treatment at such a difficult time was hard to take.

And, I did try to take it. 

I tried to let it go. 

However, for 8 months it was bubbling along inside me and impacting negatively on some relationships and experiences.

Finally, a month ago, I got to sit down in front of this person and tell them what I thought of the way they treated me. 

I didn’t raise my voice and I remained cool, but I was quite strong in my words. 

When I walked away that day, I felt a lot better.

For the few days that followed, I was quite sick as it felt like poison was being removed from my body. 

That is how angry I had been about the situation.

There is no simple answer, It is situation dependent.

I believe that in 90-95% of situations, it is best to walk away and let it go. 

However, there will always be times when you feel the need to say something so that you can get it out of your system. 

Just ensure that you don’t speak angrily and, focus on the behaviour rather than the person.

Learning to discern between the two types of situation is an exercise in gaining wisdom and can only be done with experience. 

When you have calmed down, ask yourself ‘Is this something worth getting angry about?’

Most often, the answer will be ‘No’ and you can let it go.

For the other times, if done correctly, speaking up is a valid anger management strategy.

Have a fantastic day,

Carthage

I am certainly in a better place now for having spoken my mind.

So, should you speak up when you are angry?

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